Life Changes

Life changes indeed... We had very unexpected blessing, dejá vu we are expecting again!! Yes you read that right! Baby Deffenbaugh #4 is estimated to arrive on the 4th of July.  I know what you may be thinking are they crazy? Didn't they just have a baby? And to that I must answer; no we are not crazy  it was a very unexpected surprise, yes we know how these things work and yes we just had a baby 7 months ago. Saying all that we aren't calling this an "oops" but rather an unexpected blessing... This pregnancy so far for me has been one in which God really has made me put absolutely all faith in Him. Not that I don't believe or have faith but the circumstances that have occurred have really put us in a position where we have to fully and completely rely on God and no one else. In order for you to understand let me explain... Soon after we found out we were pregnant I scheduled my first appointment. Since I didn't know when my last cycle was they had me come in for a blood test first and then a week later they had me come in for my first sonogram. Although we were still in shock (more David than me) I was starting to warm up to the idea that we would be having another little one so quickly... Because of our crazy schedule David couldn't come with me as he was watching the boys, that was hard for me but understandable. They did the sonogram and all they saw was a sac but no fetus and of course no heartbeat. As I saw the doctor she tried to reassure me that it could be nothing but at the same time she said that sometimes that meant that it is not a viable pregnancy and that the body would just miscarry it... If by the next appointment they didn't see a heartbeat they would induce a miscarriage. And that was the moment when life for me completely changed. I can't explain how I walked out of there without losing it and I can't explain to you how I felt except it was like everything completely stopped functioning and I was in a emotional dead space. As I drove home I called David and couldn't really talk and then I called my mom and lost it again. I just couldn't believe that in a matter of seconds you could feel happiness and extreme sadness. After getting home and crying with David all I could think of doing was crawling in a hole and never coming out but of course I couldn't do that I have 3 boys to take care of! So I put a happy face for them and continued with life as best as I could, all the time I'm worrying that this pregnancy may not be. I know my mom was praying and had others praying for me that night because as I rocked Dawson and asked God why is this happening? I felt in my spirit Him saying "stand still and know that I Am, put all your trust and cares on Me for I am with you and I know the plans that I have for you" I mean what do you say or feel after something like that?! I know some that read this may think I'm crazy but I believe in a faithful God that is always with me, so I did just that I really put all my trust in Him completely without limitations. That next appointment David came with me, we prayed as we got out of the car knowing that God was on control. In that sonogram we heard the most most beautiful sound... A baby's heartbeat. I was so excited and so grateful that I thought my heart would burst. The doctor said that there was some bleeding that was there but that everything seemed ok although we were still not in the safe zone. We left there happier than we had been a few weeks prior and we thought everything was great but I started spotting and my heart sank a bit, this time though I knew that God had already started something and He was going to finish the process so my faith did not waver like I though it would. I did call the doctor and they explained that this sometimes happens during the first few months and to only worry if it became bright red and flowed like a period. I wish I could say that this was the end that it disappeared and here we are but no it wasn't... The spotting came on and off and then one morning at school I started to feel odd and I knew I was more than spotting, I went to my coworker and told her I had to leave and literally left my class and went to the office to let my principal quickly know of the situation and I left school. I called the doctor immediately and they had me come in as soon as the office opened. That was the scariest moment, I was more than spotting it was bright and just not looking good... But although I was nervous I also felt at peace... I know it doesn't make sense but it's how I felt. They did another sonogram and when the doctor saw me he just didn't have much positive things to say except that there was blood above and below the sac and that even though there was a strong heartbeat at any moment that day I could have a miscarriage... Of course as a human at that moment my heart dropped, I mean this doctor kept going on and on about miscarriage and how it would happen and then it hit me God is bigger and I know that He is in control. I smiled at the doctor and told him thank you and left the office refusing to shed one little tear in there...and actually surprisingly I didn't cry at all I really felt at peace that this little one was going to prove everyone at that office wrong... the bleeding did stop and became less and less. The following appointment which is the actual "first" appointment they did yet another sonogram and everything looked great... Strong heartbeat and baby was wiggling about! The doctor said she was surprised to see there was no more blood except a small little clot that would come down but would be of no harm. Which I replied Praise God! All Glory be to Him... Now back to today I am 15 weeks and doing well! I saw that one doctor again that completely believed I would have a miscarriage that night and as soon as He saw me he said he couldn't believe I was still there which I replied its because I believe in someone that is in control of everything. He of course gave me a puzzled look. This is why I can't call this an oops but an unexpected blessing... Our little miracle and gift from God and yes despite David telling me it's a boy I call this one a girl.. So think pink with me everybody!! I know everyone's story may not be like mine and  it doesn't have to be... I think the one thing that I have learned and continue to learn is that my trust has to completely rely on God. No matter the outcome or the circumstances we should trust in Him. I will try to keep you updated as we go along... Keep us in your prayers.